Missing Out

I have missed out on some amazing opportunities. There are so many chances I didn’t take. There are too many challenges I backed away from. And then there are those times I was too afraid to quit, nervous to let go and so I kept holding on, even though I saw the writing on the wall: "this is going nowhere." This was a problem. I was losing out big time. I was watching everyone around me win.

If you are waiting for cheerleaders, to play to win, you have already lost the game!

I decided to open the door when opportunity knocked, live my best life now, and die with no regrets. I had to interrupt the disruptive thoughts and change my thinking. It wasn’t easy, I was scared, but I chose to view it as an adventure. And every adventure has thrills!


Growth vs. Staying Stagnant

On the subject of career growth: Why are you clocking into a job week after week that makes you livid? Why do you spend day after day in an environment that drains the life out of your soul? Why are you breaking your back for a company that does not pay you your worth? Why do you commit to unfair contracts or submit to exploitation?

These questions.  are the points of pain for many professionals desiring to advance in their career, make more money, or find a job they enjoy.

So, what are the reasons, you are not looking for a better job or even changing your career, to something more fulfilling. Why aren’t you living on purpose?

 

5 Disruptive Thoughts

Here is a short list of common cognitive distortions, from the book “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David Burns

  1. Overgeneralization - You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat

  2. Emotional Reasoning - You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

  3. Disqualifying the Positive - You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.

  4. Jumping to Conclusions - You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusions.

    • Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out.

    • The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact.

  5. Should Statements - You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn'ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

 

Thinking Patterns

Whatever we think about a situation will direct our emotions and behaviors in reaction to the situation. Every reaction has a consequence. So, if we think negatively and respond negatively the result is a negative emotion. Vice versa, think positive, respond positive and you will have a positive emotion. Just keep in mind: Think, Feel, Do.


How do you interrupt, disruptive thinking patterns, to think, feel and do better?

  • Challenge the thought

  • Change your inner dialogue

  • Reframe the picture


Example

Candace feels sad and defeated, when Angela got a promotion. Candace says to herself, “It’s because, she’s (Angela’s) smarter than me.”

  • Challenge - Is this a fact or opinion? What is the proof?

  • Change - Candace could think a new thought, “Angela’s hard work paid off.”

  • Reframe - Candace could say, “I am happy for Angela. I can get a promotion, if I complete my degree and took more initiative.”

Candace now feels inspired! When she had a mindshift and reframed the thought.

Do you see how in the example, when she put Angela’s promotion into a new perspective, she no longer feels sad or defeated? She now feels inspired that she can do the same, because she can also complete a college degree and she also could take more initiative.


Your Journal Prompt (Pen, Paper, 5 minutes)

Which disruptive thoughts have gotten in the way of you getting a new job, starting a new career, living your best life? Use examples of situations that have happened where you felt, sad, defeated or hopeless. See if you can challenge yourself to a mindshift by doing the Challenge, Change and Reframe.

 

I'd love to hear about your experience writing this journal prompt! Let's connect by email askcoachsen@gmail.com.